Forgiveness.

The hardest is to forgive yourself. At least it is like that with me. I carry years of self-blame with me.

Let go, just let go- I tell myself. But I won't listen.

Pfffhm.

I'm already showing signs of falling off the edge. It's weird. I see it, but I feel like I see it from a distance and I can't help myself. I can just watch the destruction.

Up and down and up and down...

This totally sucks. Once You feel good and life seems to be on track, something always ruins it. I know, I know. I shouldn't let my happiness to be destroyed so quickly, but this time I really can't help it. I am trying to put up a brave face but I'm just wondering how long I can keep this up and finally start to cry..

Aah. Don't ask.

Lack of nerves.

My job gives me great "pleasure" of seeing different people. I don't have to go out to meet them, they walk in. Some of them are quite nice and I have fond memories of them, but most of them are just.. idiots. Okay, not idiots. But seeing them I just can't help but wonder- what the hell is going on inside their heads? People can behave like fools without being wasted anyway (I know from personal experience), so why do they need liqueur to make it worse? Beats me. Anyway- Friday and Saturday nights at work are just plain happiness for me.

Aha. A tip for You "Vodka-almighties"- before You start smashing the door back and forth, maybe You should just close it slowly to see if it locks. Just a thought, You know.

PS. I hate being sick, it makes me cranky.

Sleepwalking marathon.

Yet again I'm choosing pleasure over resting. I was at work Wednesday night. My shift ended 8AM but I didn't go home, because I had a hairdressers appointment next doors at 10 anyway. Well. It didn't do me any good. I spent that 2 hours working overtime (no payment foreseen) and losing millions of my nerves. I finally got home around 13. I was intending to clean my apartment but since I was too tired to stay awake I slept for 6 hours. And then started to clean. I finished 3AM. Yes- AM. Then I went to sleep. I woke up at 7 to go to work. Now- here I am :D Tonight I have some friends coming over. We are going to a pub to listen to our favorite band. And maybe will go somewhere else. I will miss a lot of sleep which is long overdue but yet I feel happy. Because those friends give me energy :)

Anyway. I also wanted to apologize to my blog visitors for not writing that long. I'll try to behave and write at least once a week.
Hugs!
And sunshine :D

A true April's Fool.

I f**king hate April Fool's Day. Seriously. I even didn't remember two days ago that it was THAT day. I watched the news as always, I read my favorite homepage as always and thought- what has happened to everybody? Okay. I took seriously the news that the fire extinguishers will be changed from red to blue and I seriously believed that Robert Pattinson was going to drop out of New Moon.

Silly me for not knowing the dates in this world. It was supposed to be a normal day or something close to that, but hey- everyone's a clown. And I actually think that news are not the place to make stupid jokes like that.

I blame these kind of people for making this world so paranoid!

Baargh.